Revenge is a Dish Best Served ICY
by shieldmaidenofthecarribean
Summary: Professor Severus Snape is tired of being the butt of the Weasley twins' pranks. So... he decides to play a little "prank" of his own. Set in Fred and George's second year. Please read and review! Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, its JKR's. Darn.
1. Chapter 1

Ch. 1: The Prank

"Psst! Did you talk to the house elves about this?" asked a small red-haired boy.

"Yeah, they've put it in his pumpkin juice just this morning!" replied another boy that looked just like the first.

Fred and George Weasley nervously sat down at the table next to the other second years. They tried not to look at the professor that they had played their first prank on, but could not.

There was definitely something magical in the air Not because it was nearly Christmas or because it was Hogwarts, but there is something special about the first prank on a teacher. Fred and George looked at each other, knowing they had graduated from little pests to pranksters, almost to the degree of the Mauraders. If only this would work….

Professor Severus Snape took a sip of his pumpkin juice, looking at the long table of Slytherins. Just because they had won the first Quidditch game, the Slytherin seventh years had all gotten together and started the biggest pillow fight the school had ever seen. It had taken them hours to clean up after Snape had arrived. It was not a good night.

He yawned and looked toward Dumbledore to see Professor Sprout looking at him and beginning to giggle. He looked to his left to see Madam Pomfrey sipping her tea as usual. But suddenly she looked over and began to laugh. What was so funny?

Confused, Snape looked out at the students to see some clue as to what was going on. Nobody was looking at him, except the two red-haired Weasley twins from Gryffindor. What were they sniggering at?

But they were not the only ones! Soon the entire table of Hufflepuffs were looking at him and trying to suppress giggles. Snape continued to look around, trying to see what was so funny. By now everybody at the staff table (except Dumbledore) was looking at him and laughing.

The greasy haired professor looked down and gasped in horror. His robes where completely gone… by something and a small muggle t-shirt was growing on his body. It was pink with little hearts. He looked down and muggle girl jeans were replacing his boxers…. By God he was transforming into a girl!

By now, Dumbledore had also noticed and was also roaring with laughter. Snape, humiliated, picked up his robes… er… skirt and ran for it. The students noticed by now and were laughing so hard Snape wasn't surprised the Ministry of Magic hadn't swarmed down among them.

It surprised even him how quickly he'd reached his office. The potions master immediately set work on a potion to reverse this. This was the work of his potion, abeosex, or sex changer. He had just taught the second years how to make it about a month ago… that was it! Those Weasley twins! They had brewed it in their own free time and somehow put it in his juice… it had tasted rather funny this morning. It was them!!

Fred and George laughed loudly down the corridor.

"Did you see the look on Snape's face?" Fred whispered.

"It was classic! We are…"

"The best"

"Pranksters _ever_!"

"Well, other than the Mauraders."

The boys hushed up as they heard footsteps falling behind them. They were heavy, but quick… very much like….

"Weasley, Weasley. My office. NOW!"

The boys looked back to see a livid Snape hovering over them. "But we…"

"Didn't do…"

"Anything!"

"At least not this time," muttered Fred.

Snape wasn't taking any of it and began to drag them both by the ears toward the dungeons. Thankfully, the three ran (almost literally) into Professor McGonagall first.

"Watch… Professor Snape, what are you doing with my students?" demanded McGonagall.

"Taking them to the dungeon, for putting abeosex in my pumpkin juice!" growled Snape. Fred and George watched earnestly, waiting for their fate to be decided. McGonagall was strict, that was for sure, but she was much more fair than Snape!

"Did you boys?" asked McGonagall.

Here Fred and George Weasley put on their most innocent faces. These faces worked on everybody except their mother and Snape. "No, we didn't Professor McGonagall," they said earnestly.

"Severus, do you have any proof that this occurred?" asked McGonagall.

"Well no…."

"Than I believe that you should take your hands off my students!"

Snape reluctantly let go of the twin boys. He glared at them and set off to the dungeons. This was not fair! He knew they were responsible for half, if not all, of the mishaps in his classroom in the past two years! But he couldn't do a thing about it! This was not fair!

He looked down at his wand, trying to figure out what to do. That was it! Of course! A perfect punishment for those little meddling second years! They would not know what hit them, and they couldn't say that the potions master didn't have a sense of humor!


	2. Chapter 2

Ch 2 Snape's Revenge

The next morning, Severus Snape was once again sitting in the Great Hall eating his breakfast (after checking his pumpkin juice of course). He knew that everybody in the room was surprised he was there after that… episode yesterday.

But he needed to see if _his_ little prank was going to work….

Fred and George Weasley drank greedily from their cups of pumpkin juice. For some reason, it just tasted SO GOOD this morning! In fact, they didn't even feel the effects of that juice until the last drop from each of their glasses was gone.

"George?"

"Fred?"

"Do you feel something…"

"Strange?" they said simultaneously.

They looked at each other, and the next moment, an enormous belch filled the great hall.

Snape nearly chocked on his pumpkin juice. His little prank was going to work perfectly! He just needed to wait until his last period of potions for it to take full effect…

Everybody was staring at the Gryffindor red headed second years. There was silence, for once, in the Great Hall. But then out of nowhere, there was a burst of deep laughter. Everybody looked at the Headmaster, and began to laugh almost immediately. Fred and George looked around, and eventually began to laugh. They looked at the table where all the teachers sat, and even old Snape was laughing!

"That was…"

"Classic. They'll talk about that…"

"Forever!"

The boys continued to laugh as they left the Great Hall on the way to classes. The day was starting off great. How could it possibly get any better? They figured even the marauders hadn't even managed to do that!

A few hours later, the red haired duet was heading down to the dungeons for their last class: potions. They wondered how Professor Snape was doing since the little prank yesterday.

"Probably been sulking."

"No doubt. He's probably got…"

"Something nasty planned for us…"

"Today."

"Detention."

"Docking points for…"

"Sitting."

"Bad breath."

"Clean hair."

The two had sat down saying this, and not out of their Professor's earshot. But much to their surprise, he didn't dock any points. What was the deal with that?

Neither Fred nor George had finished their homework, but Snape hadn't taken away any points. They did… how to say it kindly… _hideously terrible_ on the potion and _still_ Snape hadn't done anything to them! What was this?

"Is Snape…" whispered Fred.

"Trying to kill us…"

"With shock?"

Neither boy knew the answer, but they were relieved when the bell rang.

"Weasley, Weasley, I would like to see the two of you in my office real quick," said the unmistakable voice of their potions master.

The twins gulped, but they had no choice. Fred walked in before George, but both of them felt it. They began to grow dizzy, and the room was getting larger! George even noticed he had the sudden urge to… bark?

Suddenly Snape, nearly _hundred feet tall_ now, picked George up, smiling. George looked at Fred, shocked to see a ferret. When Fred looked at George, he saw the same thing. Both of them screamed.

All Snape heard was two long, drawn out squeaks. He smiled at the two identical red ferrets in his hands. "You think you can make a woman out of me, do you?" he asked with a little twinkle in his eye. "Don't worry, this isn't permanent, but I will be keeping an eye on the both of you tonight."

With that, Snape dropped the two ferrets in an average size cage. It was the perfect size for both of them. No, Snape was not abusive, especially to small and almost innocent animals. However, he knew what the animals really where and wanted to make sure the boys were adequately punished for their little prank. Besides, it was very funny for him to watch them wrestle as ferrets.

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A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Please keep reviewing!!!!! My goal is to finish the story by this week, it is a short one.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch 3 Escape

The Weasley brothers looked around in confusion. What _had_ happened? How did they turn into ferrets?

"The pumpkin juice!" squeaked George.

They looked at each other in surprise. They could still talk! Of course, it was… ferret English… so nobody else knew exactly what they were saying. But at least they could communicate with each other!

"What do you mean?" squeaked Fred.

"Snape spiked our…"

"Pumpkin juice?"

"Yeah."

There was a long pause of silence.

"So what do we do now?" squeaked George.

"Exxxxplllllooorrrrrreeee!!!!" exclaimed Fred in a long, drawn out squeak.

"How? We're sort of trapped in here!"

"But we're wizards!"

"No, we're ferrets!"

"Well, then we're _magical_ ferrets! Come on!"

With that, Fred jumped on George and reached toward the lid with his little ferret arms. When George stood up, Fred managed to push the lid off. The first red-furred ferret climbed over the edge and gave his hand…er… paw to his brother.

Maybe leaving the cage was not the best idea. Chills hit both of the animals. Of course it would be cold! It was the dungeons in the middle of December! But the twins didn't want to be in the cage when Snape came back. For that matter, they didn't want to be in the room!

It smelled.

"Fred! A window!"

"Come on! I didn't…"

"Know he had…"

"Windows!"

The twin ferrets climbed to the window and jumped out, landing in the icy lake below.

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"Where do you think the Weasley twins are today, Professor Snape?" asked Professor Darrel.

Snape just glared at this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. "How would I know? I am not responsible for those terrible tricksters!" Well, Snape thought, right now I am. But nobody needs to know that.

Darrel shrugged. "Oh, just wondering. I heard rumors that they were the ones who transformed you into a girl. Very clever those two."

Snape continued to glare.

"Yes, they've got to be very good at potions to pull that one off. Not that I'd know because _I_ teach them to use counter curses."

If looks could kill, Snape was positive Darrel would have been dead by now. But the man hadn't even noticed the death glare and continued rambling on….

"Yes, so I was thinking that maybe you tried to poison them. After all, you always were…"

"Shut up!" snarled Snape under his breath.

Darrel either didn't hear or just ignored Snape. "… the one with a reputation as a…."

"Oh, look at the time! I need to finish grading first year papers, if you will excuse me," snarled Snape.

He was only too glad to get away from Professor Darrel. The man was not only a complete idiot, but had the job _Snape_ wanted! Snape had told Dumbledore that a loony like Darrel could not adequately teach the Dark Arts, but Dumbledore was desperate for any teacher to fill the position.

Snape sighed and closed himself within his office.

"Well, boys, there's nothing interesting going to happen tonight." Severus looked around and to his shock, there was not a ferret to be found. "Weasley? Weasley?" What the hell?

Snape looked around the room, but couldn't find even a trace of red fur. This was bad…. Then he saw the open window.

Damn it.


	4. Chapter 4

Ch 4 Missing

After what seemed like hours, Fred had reached shore. He was SO cold! The fur coat should have made him warmer… but it didn't seem to be working….

"George?" he squeaked, "Where are you? George?"

But George was nowhere to be found. Fred continued to run around in circles looking for his twin. How had this happened? They had both jumped out of the window together! They had been swimming in the same direction for a long time…. The giant squid, yes that was it. The squid must have taken him.

Fred sat down and cried.

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George reached the shore close to the door to the kitchen. He began to hammer the door with his tiny fists.

"Open up!!!" he squeaked, forgetting that he only spoke ferret.

And where the bloody hell was Fred?

"Fred?" he squeaked. "This isn't funny! Where are you?"

After deciding the Fred was trying to play a joke on him, George continued to hit the kitchen door.

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Snape hesitated for a moment outside of Dumbledore's office. He knew he was going to be in loads of trouble for this. No… he didn't think Dumbledore would fire him… at least he hoped not. If Dumbledore did, then Severus would break his promise to Lily… and maybe end up in Azkaban….

"Jolly Ranchers," whispered Snape. Much to his displeasure, the gargoyle moved.

"Ah, Severus, you decided to be Santa Claus for the staff party this year after all?" asked Dumbledore.

"No, Albus, I thought we all agreed that you would make a much more… realistic Santa." 'Leave it to Dumbledore to mention _that_,' thought Snape.

"Naturally, but I am tired of playing Santa. The red suit is so uncomfortably hot. Not flattering at all."

Snape hid a smile. This was exactly why he didn't want to play Santa.

"Well then what brings you up here, Severus? You never just come up for a social call. Lemon drop?"

"No thank you, headmaster. Yes, it is not social at all…."

"Pity. Candy cane?"

"No. You see sir… I lost my ferrets," he mumbled the last part.

"Speak up, I can't hear you! Gingerbread cookies?"

"No. I… umm… lost my ferrets," he said a little louder this time.

"Fost my Lerrets? I say, Severus, I am slightly rusty in my Latin at the moment. What does that mean in English? Hershey kisses?"

"NO! I lost my bloody ferrets!" Snape nearly shouted this time.

"Oh dear, Severus! You own ferrets? How sweet! Bubble gum?"

"No! Headmaster, I lost my ferrets!"

"I heard you, Severus. My hearing is not that bad. I do not need any of those muggle hearing aids yet. What do they look like? Sugar…."

"NO! I DO NOT WANT ANY OF YOUR CANDIES!!!!"

"Well, then you should have told me when I offered you lemon drops. Anyway, what do your ferrets look like? I will have everybody keep an eye out. Perhaps Hagrid could search for them?"

"Thank you headmaster. They are both about… this big" he said holding out his hands, "and have red hair. They are very mischievous."

"Interesting. Very much like the Weasley twins."

"You have no idea," muttered Snape.

"Hmm?" asked Dumbledore.

"Nothing," said Snape as they heard footsteps behind them.

"Headmaster," said McGonagall in an urgent voice. "The Weasley twins are missing!" Snape felt the blood drain from his already pale face.

"Really?" asked Dumbledore. "I'll send out an alert! Severus, maybe you can search for them while you look for your ferrets?"

"Ferrets?" asked McGonagall. Snape whimpered.

"Yes. Severus lost a pair of red haired ferrets."

"Red haired ferrets?" demanded McGonagall.

"Yes, isn't that interesting?" asked Dumbledore obliviously.

The other, older, professors where both starting at Snape. One with amusement and the other with accusation.

"What is going on, Severus Snape!" demanded McGonagall.

Snape winced again. This was just like back in his school days. "The Weasley twins where the victims of a rather humorous prank," he said shortly.

"Humorous?" asked McGonagall in a serious voice.

"They drank a potion this morning in their pumpkin juice which turned them into ferrets."

"WHAT?" demanded both the older professors.

Snape shrugged. "They were in a safe place! They should not have…."

"Why?" asked McGonagall.

"They turned me into a woman!"

McGonagall snorted. "Severus, how old are they?"

"Maybe… twelve or thirteen?"

"And how old are you?"

"Minerva…."

"How old are you?" she asked again.

"Older than that," he said shortly.

"Old enough to be more mature than that! Albus, we need to search the castle! They could be in trouble!"

"Not just the castle," muttered Snape. "I have reason to believe they are… outside."

"Then we must hurry!" cried McGonagall. "And Severus? If they come to _any_ harm_ whatsoever_, I _swear_ that I will _hex_ you into the next century!"

Snape had no reason to believe that she was bluffing.


	5. Chapter 5

Ch 5 The Search

"George! George!" Fred continued to squeak.

But the cold was biting into his fur. His tiny little claws were beginning to numb and he shivered.

The only option seemed to be the forbidden forest. At least he'd be out of the snow and some of the wind! Going as fast as his paws would allow, Fred ran into the nearest bush and snuggled inside.

"'Oy? Oo's there?" asked a familiar voice.

Fred looked up from his hiding spot to see Rubeus Hagrid, the gamekeeper at Hogwarts. He was in luck!

Fred leaped out of the bush and began to scream. "Help me! I'm down here! Where is George! Hey! Hey! I'm HERE!!"

The giant man looked down and met Fred's tiny eye. "Now where'd ye come from? Ye'd better come in with me. The tempatures droppin as sure as the apple'll fall."

"Where's George?" squeaked Fred.

"Eh? What's that yer sayin? Ah… I wish I courld speak ferret!"

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George had finally given up banging on the door. It was no use.

"Who is there?" asked a small, squeaky voice.

"Me!" cried George.

"Why are you whining?"

"I'm not whining! LET ME IN!" George squeaked louder.

Finally, the owner of the voice opened the door. It was a little… well… it was a house elf. He looked up expecting to see a human, but didn't.

"HERE!" George squeaked at the top of his lungs.

The house elf's eyes came to eye level and looked at the ferret that was George. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Professor Snape turned me into a ferret!" cried George.

"Well, it doesn't matter. Come in! I will make you some food. Would you like leftover brandy from the staff table today?"

"You can't understand me, can you?" asked George. When the house elf didn't respond, he assumed this meant yes. Oh well, at least he would get some brandy! Fred would be _so_ jealous.

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"Lumos," muttered Snape.

If any place contained clues to the current whereabouts of the Weasley twins, this was it.

Now… he had left the ferrets in the cage. Naturally, he assumed they left the window. There was really no place for the little creatures to hide in his office, so Snape walked over to the window. His heart sank. Down below was the icy water of the lake. Damn… if they died….

The potions mater immediately ran outside. It had not snowed for a long time, so he could still make out a few little prints here and there, but nothing that would give him the location of the animal.

"'ello Professor Snape. Fancy seein' you out 'ere in this weather!" said a gruff voice.

Snape turned around and his eyes narrowed as he saw Hagrid walking over. That half-giant oaf of a man! It was a wonder that Dumbledore ever hired him. But it didn't matter. He suddenly got an idea….

"Hagrid, have you seen the Weasley twins?" he asked.

A/N: I had to get the ferret twins safe before I ended the chapter! Thank you SOOOOO much to everyone who reviewed! You kept me going! Also, I want to know how much of this story you want. I can end it in two or three chapters. Which one?


	6. Chapter 6

Ch 6

Fred had made himself comfortable. Hagrid had made him a little mattress on the table with a bowl and a blanket. Fred was surprised how comfortable he was just curling up in a little ball. He could never do that in his bed in the second years' dormitory.

Just then, Hagrid walked in with the last person Fred wished or wanted to see: Professor Snape.

"George! I'm ser sorry!" exclaimed the half-giant.

"I'm _Fred_!" he squeaked.

"Her ya' go, Professor!" Hagrid handed Snape the bowl with Fred in it.

"Thank you… Hagrid," snapped Snape.

Fred squeaked in protest as the potions master carried him out of Hagrid's hut.

"I told you two to stay in the cage," Snape said smoothly. Fred knew his potions mater well enough to know that he was absolutely livid right now. "I may just be able to get the pair of you a detention for that. The headmaster, naturally, will not agree… but I assure you that I will do my best."

By now the two of them had reached indoors. Several first years stared in horror as their potions master walked by. Fred hung half out of the bowel and played dead. Each of the first years gasped in horror. The boy… ferret could barely stifle a laugh.

Unfortunately, Snape noticed the first years. "What are you… gaping at?" he snarled.

Finally a girl, from what Fred could hear, found the courage to speak up. "You killed that poor little ferret, professor…."

Fred felt strong fingers picking him up and shaking him. Instinctively, he opened his eyes. The first years screamed and ran away.

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Then that bloody ferret squeaked! Snape knew it was laughing… it was something that the Weasley… whichever one this was… would do!

"I'd better get that detention," Snape muttered, dropping the red-haired ferret back into the bowel. He continued the long march to the headmaster's office. Hopefully, Minerva would not be there as well. He wanted to live until he was at least sixty thank you very much!

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George continued to squeak. This always got the house-elf's attention, so she would pour him another cup of brandy.

"Now not too much!" she chastised lightly, stroking his fur.

God, this was good! He was really enjoyin himself! Sure, it was getting increasingly arder to se' the bowl from which he was drunking from, but it good SO still! George drained another within the minute and squeaked (and hiccupped) for more.

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"I found him!" cried Snape, rushing into Dumbledore's office.

"Found who?" asked Dumbledore.

"I don't know!"

"Well then it doesn't help much, does it?"

"No Albus, I found one of the Weasley twins!" snapped Snape.

Realizing, finally, what the potions master had meant, Dumbledore rushed over.

"Which one is it?" he asked, stroking the ferret's back.

"I think its George."

"Well, it matters precious little as long as he is cured," said Dumbledore reaching into his robes for a vial. It contained the potion that Snape (of course!) was going to give the Weasley twins after he decided their punishment was … acceptable. The older man forced it into the ferret's mouth and it willingly drank.

Suddenly, Snape felt a great weight in his arms and he looked down to see, much to his horror, a twelve-year-old Weasley panting in his arms. He immediately dropped the boy, only causing him to gasp further.

"Severus?" Dumbledore asked.

"Weariness. It's only a side effect of the potion and the energy it takes to transform from something rather small to something that must weigh at least a hundred pounds."

"What the bloody hell Snape?" Weasley panted barely a minute later. "What'd you do that for?"

Snape shrugged. "You bothered me, and I bothered you back."

"George!" cried a female voice behind them. McGonagall had arrived and was holding another red-haired ferret in her arms. Something seemed wrong with it.

"I'm… Fred!" cried the Weasley lying on the floor.

"I'm terribly sorry, Fred," said McGonagall. "Albus, quick! I think there is something wrong with this one!"

Snape could list dozens of things that were "wrong with this one," but he decided to keep his peace for now.

Dumbledore snatched the other vial and forced it into the animal's mouth. Minerva wisely put it down, and a Weasley suddenly replaced the ferret.

"What time of year is it?" he slurred.

Everybody who was legally allowed to drink liquor stared.

"Yep! It's time for everyone here to get the damn speedos!" George continued.

"Minerva, where did you find _him_?" muttered Snape.

"Weasley, what did the house-elves give you?" demanded McGonagall.

"Brrrrrrrrrraaandy!" Weasley slurred and hiccupped.

McGonagall sighed. "I suppose I'd better take him to the hospital wing. But first, Albus, I want to make sure there is a strict rule that _forbids_ student transfiguration. Or transformation. Or anything," she said, glaring at Snape, "that involves turning students into other animals as punishment."

"I agree," said Dumbledore. Snape's heart sank. "It will be added to the rulebook before the end of the day, Minerva. Severus, I believe you owe these boys an apology."

Snape glared at Dumbledore, and then looked at the accursed twins. It didn't matter, he decided. He'd have plenty of time to have his revenge in the next five years of their lives. There would be, after all, plenty of times to give detentions. There would be more than enough chances for him to get back at them.

He had ways of making lives (at least potions class) miserable.

"I'm sorry," he spat out.

"I'll drink to that!" cried George Weasley, before he collapsed.

**A/N: Hey everybody! I've finally finished the last chapter! Now just for the epilogue! Dang... I didn't know it would take this long! So much for a short project! lol. Thank you to everybody who has been reading this story, and I LOVE reviews!!!! This is my first attempt to write a fanfic specifically for humor! Thank you!!!!!!**


	7. Epilogue

Epilogue

*About four years later*

Professor Minerva McGonagall walked down the steps of Hogwarts, her arms filled with books. With both educating students and events for the tri-wizard tournament, she had a lot going on.

From the distance, she could hear a lot of laughter. What was going on? She continued down the steps to see Alastor Moody waving his wand, and a ferret bouncing up and down. The ferret was white-furred, but didn't have red eyes, so it was not albino.

"Professor, what are you doing?"

"Teaching," said Moody.

"Teach…" she said, but she looked beyond the new Professor to see two sixth years. They were both the same height, had the same hair, and same face. Both the Weasley twins were just standing there and laughing at what was happening.

Suddenly, she understood.

"Professor Moody, is that a _student_?"

**A/N: That's it! Than you all for reading!!! :-D**


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